Atticus
by permanentsmile
Summary: Atticus Parker is your average boy attending Hogwarts. He has a best friend, he works hard in his classes, he has girl problems, and he wants to make it on the Quidditch team. Amid teenage troubles when you're a wizard, Atticus must keep one big secret to himself: he's transgender.
1. Atticus Charles Parker

It all started the day before my eleventh birthday... the day I received my acceptance letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. My parents couldn't have been more ecstatic for me - especially since they were wizards themselves. My dads were amazing in every way - they loved me for who I was, they encouraged me to improve my skills and focus on my talents (I just happened to be very good at riddles and Wizard's Chess), and they always made sure my education came first.

Shopping was a blast that year, especially since I was lucky enough to get ice cream after we finished. I picked out a barn owl and named her Star, and the amount of love I had for that bird couldn't be put into words. We didn't have an owl at home before that, which was a little uncommon where we lived (Falmouth), though it never really bothered us before. We mainly kept to ourselves, and our family was small; I was an only child, and some would say I was quite spoiled because of it.

The biggest moment for me when we went shopping for my first year was when I got my wand. Unicorn hair, ebony, eleven and a half inches, slightly springy. I was proud of that wand, and knew I would one day do great things with it. I had so many hopes and dreams for my Hogwarts career, and my parents only encouraged them.

Saying goodbye to my dads was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I didn't cry. I kept on a brave face for them, as I didn't want to be made fun of on my first day. I hadn't been raised around other witches and wizards, so being around hundreds at my new school was going to be a definite change of pace.

I ended up in a compartment with two First Year boys named Thomas and Geoffrey. Thomas and I clicked immediately, and we engaged in a game of Gobstones while Geoffrey read what appeared to be one of our school books. We all bought some sweeties off of the trolley and traded wizard cards. It was an enjoyable trip, and my eleven-year-old self slowly lost the nerves I'd been carrying for a month at that point.

Maybe - just maybe - I would fit in, I thought. Maybe nobody would question me, or think of me as a strange person. I was just an average kid, after all.

When we arrived, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor and games keeper, Hagrid, led us to the Castle. We rowed our way up the Black Lake, where I was in the boat with my future best friend, Tom, and a girl named Jane. We chattered excitedly to each other as we talked about our plans for the school year, and which classes we were so sure were going to be our favorites, and which House we were going to be in.

Once we were in the Great Hall, after our introductory speech from Professor Longbottom, we lined up and waited for our names to be called to be sorted into our Houses. Everyone's eyes were on Albus Potter and Rose Weasley, who were the children of the famous Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley, who saved our world before I was born. Many of us applauded when Rose Weasley was sorted into Gryffindor, but when Albus was called...

"Slytherin!" the Sorting Hat shouted.

While there was an eruption of applause from the Slytherin table, the rest of us were shocked. I had no hard feelings towards Slytherins - in fact, I had an Uncle who was a Slytherin and he was a good man. I spotted Albus' older brother, James, at the Gryffindor table looking lost and disappointed. My feelings of anxiety returned when I realized I could have very well disappointed my parents by being sorted into the wrong House.

My friend, Tom, went up and he was sorted into Ravenclaw. After he was sorted, it was Jane's turn and she was placed in Hufflepuff. I felt my stomach flip-flop and felt a little nauseous from too much sugar and too many nerves.

"Parker, Atticus," Professor Longbottom called.

I froze the moment he said my name before I slowly walked up to the stool. I took my seat, and felt the hat go over my eyes.

"You're a wise one," the hat said. "But you're so full of secrets. You're true to yourself, and that takes courage. You like Wizard's Chess, eh? You're destined for greatness - I know exactly where to put you..."

The hat paused for a moment.

"Ravenclaw!" it shouted.

There was an eruption from the Ravenclaw table, and I felt the hat being pulled off my head, leaving my dark brown hair to be messier than it usually was. I hurried off the stool and joined Tom and the rest of the people at the Ravenclaw table, where I was welcomed with open arms.

My following days as a First Year were fairly good. I wasn't bullied much (though a couple of Gryffindors liked to pick on me because I wasn't the best at flying), and I even had the opportunity to talk to Albus Potter. We didn't end up clicking, which was a shame, as we were both fairly reserved kids who didn't seem to know how to make friends. He seemed to be quite attached to Scorpius Malfoy, who was a pleasant kid in my book.

Lucky for me, my mate Tom was there for me through everything. We were inseparable. We helped each other in our weaker subjects (mine being Herbology, his being Potions), played Chess together, and basically remained attached at the hip every day of our First Year. Of course, that wouldn't change in the future by much.

By the time the end of the school year arrived, I was sad to see him go back to London, but we promised each other we would write and would even try to visit one another. We kept our promises and he did visit for a couple of weeks, and my dads loved him. They took us to Hogsmeade for a special day out and it was a blast. During his visit, we spent most of our time playing out in the garden and quizzing each other from our old school books. It was nice having a mate who was as interested in academics as I was.

Over the next three years, we continued to be inseparable, and we made a promise to each other to keep no secrets. I told him almost everything, and I was sure he told me all there was to know about Thomas William Adams. He truly was my best friend.

* * *

It was my Fifth Year, and I was just as enthused as the years' past to resume my schooling. My dads took me shopping for robes and books, and I was given multiple speeches about my O. , which I took many practice tests for over the summer. I was excited to get back to my home away from home: Hogwarts.

The opening ceremony feast was good as it was every year before that. Tom and I sat next to each other and talked about our upcoming classes, his trip to Greece over the summer, and girls. Everything was normal in our worlds.

My morning routine for the first day of school was the usual: wake up, get dressed, and waited until everyone (including Tom) cleared out so I could give myself my shot. After magicking away the needle, I hid my medicine in my trunk and transfigured it into an ink well so nobody knew what it was, and hurried off to breakfast.

While Tom was my best friend in the whole world, there was one thing I couldn't tell him... I'm transgender.


	2. Classes

When I reached the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall, I was greeted by Tom, and redheaded twins named Jasper and Danielle. Jasper and Danielle were in our year and were pretty good friends with us. Jasper looked like a Seventh Year because he could grow a little facial hair - something I would be entirely envious for for an entire year.

"Big man is here!" Jasper announced as the three of them looked up at me. "How's it going, big guy?"

He liked to call me things like that because I could still wear Muggle boys' extra large shirts. I tried to eat as much as I could, but I remained kinda small. I was a little sensitive about it, but I let it slide with him.

"Good morning, Jas. Dani, Tom."

"Morning," they all said in unison.

I took a seat next to Tom, who was stuffing his face full of sausage and toast. I opted for some eggs benedict and orange juice. One thing great about Hogwarts - there was always some kind of tasty food to eat. Unless it was Boxing Day.

"What took you so long this morning, mate? You didn't get busy talking to Sapphire again, did you?" Tom asked as he brushed his blond bangs out of his eyes.

I felt a little anxiety in my guts and smiled nervously.

"Sapphire? Nah. I spilled some ink on my bed and had to clean it up before Flitwick saw."

 _What a lame excuse._

"You cleaned it up? Why not have left it for the House Elves? They live for that kind of stuff!" Tom exclaimed between bites of toast. "Eat up, Atticus. You need to put on some weight."

"Yeah, yeah," I said as I took a bite of eggs.

"At least his voice is finally changing," Jasper said with a laugh.

"Oi, shut it," I said, feeling the guilt of my secret weighing me down.

It wasn't just having to keep it secret - it was also the fact that I was dysphoric as all hell anyway. My chest gave me no problems because I was put on hormone blockers before it could grow, so I was in the clear and wouldn't need surgery for that. My dads always knew I was different, and they had me sent to a Healer years ago, who said they couldn't do anything and that Muggle medicine was needed, which scared me at the time.

Fast-forward to age eleven, just weeks before I was sent off on my magic-enriching education at my favorite place in the world, I had to have a minor surgery to have a hormone-blocker put in me. They wanted to wait to give me hormones so I could have the chance to grow a little, but over the summer when I turned fifteen, standing at only five-foot-five, I begged my parents to please let me go on hormones so I could have a better year at school. My Fourth Year was made miserable by the horrible surprise that Tom's voice had deepened over the summer while mine had not.

My dads immediately made an appointment with the Muggle Doctor who'd been keeping track of my case, and within three months I was prescribed testosterone. I'd never been happier to shove a needle in my stomach. I'd only been on testosterone for two months at that point, but my voice had definitely dropped some, and I was starting to have fat redistribution in my stomach and hips.

"Sorry, At. You know I like to have a go at you," said Jasper through a smile.

"Yeah, yeah." My attention wandered as I saw my crush walk past the table.

Her name was Rachel and she was perfect. She was also in Ravenclaw, so lucky for me I got to see her around quite a bit. She was really smart, and had a beautiful face. Her long, dark hair bounced around on her shoulders as she walked, which drove me crazy. She looked over at me and smiled, and gave me a little nod.

I bashfully waved at her, and realized I had some egg on my chin. I quickly wiped off my chin and noticed her giggling as she walked away, books pressed against her chest as she left. I dropped my hand and felt like a fool.

"Tough luck," said Tom as he clapped me on the shoulder. "At least she smiled at you! Maybe for the wrong reason, but it's a start..."

"That's true. Maybe this will be my year," I said with hope.

Danielle rolled her eyes and looked up from her book.

"Merlin, you sound like those Muggle teen movies. Hurry up, you three. We need to get to class. We have Charms with the Gryffindors."

"You'll get to see your girlfriend, Tom!" Jasper exclaimed as he clapped his hands.

"Sshh!" Tom hushed. "Rose isn't my girlfriend! ... _yet_." He smirked.

"All talk and no action," said Jasper.

We finished up our breakfast and made our way to Charms, which was an okay class. I was hoping to get an E in it on my O. . We were given a speech by our Head of House, Professor Flitwick, about how he expects us to try our hardest, especially from his Ravenclaws.

"Know who I feel the most sorry for?" Danielle commented as we left Charms, "The Slytherins. They have Snape to ride them in Potions. That's gotta be rough."

"I don't feel sorry for the Slytherins. Nasty lot," said Jasper.

"Watch it," I said as a group of Slytherins passed us.

I never had anything against the Slytherins, but Jasper hated them. Jasper seemed to be against a lot of things, which I always found peculiar because I was raised to be an open-minded individual. Danielle mostly tended to take pity on the Slytherins because she knew Snape was strict with them, unlike Flitwick with us. He was more lenient with us because most of us worked our hardest to keep our grades up and win House points. Our only fault was not being the best Quidditch team.

Speaking of Quidditch...

"Oi, Atticus, you gonna try out for Quidditch again this year? They're looking for a Beater and a Chaser," said Tom.

"I dunno. I'm thinking about it. Are you gonna try out?" We walked down the stairs and made our way toward the Dungeons for Potions.

"Of course, mate! How else am I gonna impress Rose Weasley? She's all over Merrick Smyth and he's the Seeker for Hufflepuff!"

"He also gets better grades than you," said Jasper with a smirk.

"But if I become a Chaser, Rose will be all over me. It's simple!" Tom grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to his side, standing a few inches taller than me. "Imagine it - the best mates at Hogwarts playing on the same team! We'll impress all the girls, we'll win even more House points so Flitwick will stay off our backs, and we'll be heroes. Can't you see it, Atticus?"

I laughed.

"Yeah, right. We're invisible, Tom."

"Heroes is a bit far, but it'll push you two up the social ladder a bit more," said Danielle.

We turned a corner and avoided the death glare Filch was giving us.

"The birds will love us for sure. They love jocks at this school, don't they?" Tom said as he released me.

"Sounds like you watch too many Muggle movies," said Jasper.

We trotted down the steps into the creepy, dark Dungeon. I hated going down there and was glad I wasn't made Prefect. Between my work load and the creepiness of the Dungeons were enough to keep me from wanting to be in that race anyway.

"Oh boy, Potions. My favorite class," Tom whined.

"Hi Atticus!" Scorpius Malfoy greeted me as he approached us, Albus Potter tailing behind him.

"Hi Scorpius. Hi Albus. How's your first day going?" I asked.

"Catch you inside," Jasper said as he dragged Danielle with him.

I caught Danielle eyeing Scorpius, which concerned me mildly because her brother would not appreciate that.

"It's going great! We just had Defense Against the Dark Arts and my buddy here nearly blew up the whole classroom! It was wicked!" Scorpius grinned.

"Shut up, Scorpius," Albus mumbled.

Tom snickered.

"Reminds me of that time in our second year when Atticus nearly set Professor Longbottom on fire. 'Member that, At?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Unfortunately."

I heard footsteps down the corridor and saw Professor Snape making his way toward the classroom.

"Nice chatting with you!" I said quickly before pulling Tom into the classroom to take our usual seats.

"Jeez, what is it with you and Snape, anyway? You scared of him?" Tom asked as we sat behind Jasper and Danielle.

"No! I just don't want us to get in trouble. You know how he can be..." I muttered.

I started scratching at my gut and groaned quietly when I realized I had a rash forming from my injection. It didn't happen every time, but if the medicine leaked a little bit then I would have a minor rash come on. No matter - I would visit the Hospital Wing after Potions to get a cream to treat it.

Potions was a nightmare as usual. Professor Snape gave us a load of homework, and it was all due by Friday. He expected a foot long essay on the properties of doxy venom and all its purposes. The man really needed to get laid.

"Hey guys, I'll meet you in the Great Hall. I gotta run back to the Tower to get something," I lied as I rushed away from my friends.

"Want me to come with you?" Tom asked.

"No, it's okay! I'll see you in a few minutes!" I began sprinting out of the Dungeon and up toward the Hospital Wing.

* * *

Once I was in the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey greeted me with a warm smile.

"Hello, Atticus. What brings you here?"

"I, uh, have a rash on my stomach. It's from my injections."

Oh, yeah - Madam Pomfrey and Headmistress McGonagall knew I was transgender. My dads told them everything before the start of my Hogwarts education, and they were surprisingly open-minded. They were sworn to secrecy for my protection.

"Muggles..." she said with an eye roll.

She marched across the room and walked between a couple of empty beds to dig through a storage cabinet. She pulled out a small flask and motioned for me to come over. I followed her instruction and raised my uniform shirt a bit in the process, and noticed there was a bright red blotch on my olive skin.

"You would think we would have our own treatments by now," she said as she rubbed the cream on my stomach. "I guess there just aren't enough witches and wizards like you quite yet for the research. Perhaps you could start a case study when you're older."

"I don't think the medical field is right for me," I commented. "I'm not smart enough."

"Now, now, my boy. You're in Ravenclaw or a reason. Now, get back to class before a Professor takes away points!"

"Okay. Thank you, Madam Pomfrey." I lifted my bag over my shoulder and hurried out, and sprinted my way back to the Great Hall to begin working on my essay for Professor Snape.


	3. Dysphoria

By the end of the week, I turned in my essay for Professor Snape and received a perfect grade on it. Despite earning some House points in Potions and receiving good feedback, I felt awful. I was dysphoric, I hated my voice, I hated how skinny I was, I hated the way my face was shaped, and I felt like I needed to cut off my shaggy hair.

"Hey brother, can I ask you a question?" I asked Tom on our way out of Transfiguration, which was our final class for the day.

"Duh," he replied as he flipped through his journal.

"Should I get a haircut?"

He paused and looked at me, then ruffled my hair.

"Might not be a bad idea. You might impress Rachel." He winked, then went back to flipping through his notes.

"Yeah... tomorrow is Hogsmeade, so maybe I'll cut it then." I nodded to myself as a way to reassure that what I was doing was the right thing.

One thing I noticed about being on testosterone was that my hairline was beginning to change a little. I wasn't really losing any hair, thank Merlin, but I was getting a more masculine hairline. I still hated the way my stupid jawline looked. It wasn't very wide, unlike Tom's, who had a square jawline.

"Yeah. Just do what you gotta do, man. You'll look great!" He smiled at me, then went back to his journal.

We walked out of the main entrance of the castle and made our way to the tree near the lake to relax and enjoy the rare sunshine. On our way, we passed Rose Weasley, who was busy talking to Merrick Smyth, who wore his Quidditch uniform. Tom slowed way up and stared at them.

"...yeah, I'll absolutely come see you practice tomorrow! Hardly anyone goes to Hogsmeade this early in the year anyway." Rose smiled at Merrick.

"Wicked. I can't wait. First game's in two weeks. Will you be there?" He grinned at her, and that's when I noticed they were standing awfully close.

"Of course! I do love a good game of Quidditch! My aunt is actually a Quidditch star..."

We resumed walking, and Tom was livid.

"That's it!" he exclaimed, stopping after several paces. "We're trying out for Quidditch on Sunday!"

"Tom, we're gonna suck," I said with a groan. "People are going to laugh at us."

"Ye of little faith!" He put his arm around my shoulder and we resumed walking. "We're gonna be fine."

"And what will we do when we're not fine? I've never even hit a Bludger before." I sighed.

"Come on, Atticus. Be a man. You gotta have confidence. That's the key to help you get Rachel to like you - and wait until she sees you on a broom! Come on, you did great when we had flying lessons. You were one of the best in our year."

"That's true," I remarked.

"See? Confidence!" He grinned and let go of me.

We approached the tree and saw Scorpius and Albus sitting under it, which I didn't mind at all because they were always nice to me.

"Eagles!" Scorpius exclaimed.

"Snakes!" Tom exclaimed.

They looked at each other before laughing. Tom leaned down and shook Scorpius's hand and took a seat next to him.

"Snape was brutal with those questions today, wasn't he?" Tom remarked.

"He always is, but I swear he's pretty decent when you get to know him. My father has him 'round for Sunday dinner regularly."

"That's gotta be so weird," said Tom.

"Try being named after him," Albus muttered as I took a seat next to him.

"You'd think he'd give you some kind of special treatment for that, too," said Tom.

"Snape hates me," said Albus.

"Snape hates everyone! It's just part of who he is," said Scorpius with a laugh. "Buck up, Albus. I wouldn't take it personally."

"We're in his House and he manages to yell at me the most."

"Flitwick never yells at us," I commented. "I guess we're lucky."

"More like normal," said Albus. "Lupin doesn't yell at the Gryffindors, and you know my brother causes way too much trouble for his own good."

"Lupin favors James though," said Scorpius.

"Hey, are you guys going to try out for the Slytherin team?" I asked.

"No. Are you guys trying out for Ravenclaw?" Scorpius asked.

"Yeah! We're gonna get on the team and get girlfriends," said Tom.

"He thinks so. I think we're going to make fools of ourselves. You guys want to come see us try out on Sunday?"

"Sure," said Albus, which caught me by surprise. "What time?"

"Noon," said Tom.

We chatted for a while longer before I got up to leave for the common room. I bid the guys ado and began the long walk back to Ravenclaw Tower. On my way, I saw Rachel on the fifth floor and it appeared she was heading in my direction.

"Hi, Rachel!" I exclaimed nervously.

She turned around, her gray bag swinging from her shoulder as she moved, and smiled at me.

"Hi, Atticus. Heading back to the common room?"

"Yeah." I smiled at her, feeling my heart flutter. "Walk together?"

"Sure." She began walking again and I caught up with her.

"What did you think of Transfiguration today?" I asked.

"Oh, it was so much fun! Hey, you're in Muggle Studies, aren't you?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said as we turned the corner. "What about it?"

"Is it fascinating? I'm in Study of Ancient Runes and I've found it absolutely boring this year. I wish I could trade classes." She adjusted her strap on her bag and looked at me; she was my height.

"You want to take Muggle Studies? Maybe you could talk to Professors Flitwick and McGonagall and they could take you out of Ancient Runes and put you in Muggle Studies."

"You really think they'd allow that?"

"It's worth a shot," I said as we climbed a flight of stairs that led to Ravenclaw Tower. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Being told no, I suppose," she said. "Thanks, Atticus."

"Not a problem," I responded.

We reached the door to Ravenclaw Tower and I used the bronze eagle knocker, then watched it come to life.

"Marking mortal privation, when firmly in place. An enduring summation, inscribed in my face. What am I?" it asked.

Rachel and I looked at each other, both pondering the answer.

"A tombstone?" she answered.

"That is correct," the knocker answered, and the door swung open.

"Man, the others have it easy," I said as we entered the common room. "They just have to remember a password."

"The riddles aren't so bad. It's not like they're asking for a blood sample or something." She smiled at me. "It was great talking to you, Atticus. I'll see you around."

"Right. See you," I said as I watched her take off for the girls' dormitory.

After she was out of sight, I made my way to the boys' dormitory and decided to write home.

I was pleased to see that the dorm was empty, so I took a seat at the only desk in the dorm and _Accio_ 'd over some parchment and my quill from my trunk. I made due with the green inkwell that was sitting on the desk already.

 _Dear Dad and Pop,_

 _School is going okay. I'm going to Hogsmeade tomorrow to do some shopping with Tom, then on Sunday I will be trying out for the Beater position on the Quidditch team. I'm nervous to even attempt trying out for a sport, but Tom is determined to impress Rose Weasley so he wants to try out as Chaser._

 _I miss you both. My voice is dropping each day, and I've generally felt good about myself since starting T, but today I've just been dysphoric. I'm trying to eat more, but I still haven't gained any weight as far as I can tell._

 _How are you two doing? What are your plans for the weekend? Please write back as soon as you can._

 _Love,_  
 _Atticus_

I retrieved an envelope and sealed up my letter, then beckoned over Star, who was watching me like a hawk.

"Okay, girl. Send this to Dad and Pop, okay?" I said to her and she took the envelope from me.

She nuzzled her head into my neck before hopping off my shoulder and onto the desk, then jumped up into the open window above and took off in flight. I sighed as I watched her fly away. I did miss my dads, but school and my education was important to me. I did hear of some witches and wizards being home schooled, but as far as I knew it never turned out too well.

I got up from the desk and went over to the full-sized mirror that was hanging behind the door. I stared at myself and frowned. Shaggy, dark brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin. Who was I to kid? Rachel would never like me. I was too short, my hair was too long, and I wasn't athletic.

I groaned as I stepped away from the mirror to lay on my four-poster bed. I put my hands behind my head and stared up at the blue canopy, glaring. It was hopeless to think I could get on the Quidditch team as a Beater. I was too small - they looked for burlier people to play that position. I was built more to be a Seeker, and that position wouldn't be open for another two years.


	4. Hogsmeade and Quidditch

It was Saturday and that meant everyone's favorite weekend arrived: our monthly trip to Hogsmeade. I was determined to get my hair cut and buy some sweets from Honeydukes that day. Tom and I chatted excitedly as we walked down from Ravenclaw Tower to the entrance of the castle. We were skipping out on breakfast that morning - after all, we had to save room for sweeties! Nothing was going to spoil our day - we had Professor Longbottom chauffeuring us, we were going to meet with Albus and Scorpius, and I was finally going to change my hair. It was going to be a good day.

Albus and Scorpius met us by the entrance to the castle at nine in the morning, and off we were to go visit the village. When we reached the gates, Filch checked off our names and we were free from the castle's grounds. It felt good to be a Fifth Year.

"Hey, can we go to Zonko's? I need more itching powder," said Tom.

"I hope you aren't planning on using that on any of us," said Scorpius.

"Of course not! I'm gonna use it on Merrick Smyth. He's getting a little too cozy with Rose Weasley."

"She's my cousin, y'know. I could just put in a good word for you," said Albus.

I nudged Tom.

"Serious, mate? You'd do that?" Tom asked as he grinned.

"Sure. We don't talk a whole lot since we're in rival Houses, but... I'm sure she'd stop and listen to me for five seconds anyway."

"Thanks, Albus. You're pretty cool."

Albus remained silent as we kept walking. Meanwhile, Scorpius and Tom talked about our Quidditch auditions for the following day. I was nervous about it and didn't want to participate in conversation because I was dreading it. Sure, I wanted to be on the team, but I was never good at sports, let alone trying to sell myself.

Confidence... that's what men have, right? Maybe me lacking confidence made me less of a man. The thought made my mood sink.

"Alright, Atticus?" Albus asked when we were halfway there.

"Yeah," I lied. "You?"

"Alright," he said, and I had the feeling he was lying.

I couldn't imagine what it was like to be Harry Potter's son. It must have been difficult to live up to people's standards of what you should be like. Carrying the Potter name was probably hell for him, and I truly did pity him - don't get me wrong though, he was a nice guy.

We arrived in Hogsmeade just before ten and I immediately went to the hairdressing salon, which was across from Honeydukes. Albus and Scorpius abandoned us for the post office, as they had letters to send out to their families. Tom followed me into the fairly empty salon.

"Welcome!" A young witch with long, wavy, red hair greeted me. "Just a trim today, dear?"

"A regular haircut, please. Trying something new," I said with as much confidence in my voice as possible.

"Follow me," she said as she led me over to a black, rotating chair.

I took a seat and a black cape went over the front of me and tied itself around my neck. I felt a comb going through my hair, and watched in the mirror as she flipped through a catalogue of different men's hairstyles. She grinned as she showed me a buzz cut.

"Would you like something like this, dear?"

"No, thanks. I was thinking short on the sides and long on top."

"Very well. That would suit your face better." She smiled at me and tapped the book with her wand, and the pages immediately flipped to the hairstyle I was thinking of. "This?"

"Perfect," I said with a grin.

" _Accio_ scissors," she said as she waved her wand, and the scissors came flying into her hand, which made me a little bit nervous.

"So what is your name?" she asked as she began to cut my hair.

I mentally said goodbye to my shaggy, wavy hair and focused on her in the mirror.

"Atticus. You?"

"Esmerelda. What are you studying at Hogwarts?" I heard the scissors cut a little too close to my ear for comfort.

"Muggle Studies and Arithmancy."

"You must be quite smart. I took Divination and Care of Magical Creatures and barely passed either of those on my O. . I basically dropped Care of Magical Creatures in my sixth year. What year are you in?"

"Fifth."

"Oh, how exciting! Are you going to stay in Muggle Studies and Arithmancy?"

"Probably. I like numbers, and Muggles are interesting."

"Fascinating folks, they are! When my kids don't behave I make them clean their rooms the Muggle way."

"Oh. How many kids do you have?"

She enchanted a razer and I watched it trim at the top of my hair, and noticed different bits were starting to stick up on their own.

"Six. I know - I don't look a day over twenty! But I'm actually thirty-four. Ssshh!" She giggled.

"Six. Wow! Are they all in school yet?"

"My oldest is. First year. His name is Zachary St. James. Know him?"

"I remember him at the Sorting Ceremony. Hufflepuff."

"Good memory!" she exclaimed as she finished the back of my hair.

We continued to talk about her kids and her life, and what I was going to do after school (I really had no idea). I caught Tom snickering a couple of times as he seemed to be listening in on our conversation. He was probably going to tease me and tell me I sounded like a woman.

Once she was finished, I couldn't believe my own eyes - my jawline looked wider, and I looked way more masculine! I paid and gave her a nice tip before exiting the shop with Tom on my heels. I felt great about myself - nothing could bring me down after my haircut.

"Wow, you look great, mate!" Tom said after we exited the shop. "You look older somehow. Rachel's going to fancy it." He smirked.

"Let's hope so," I said as we crossed the street to go to Honeydukes.

The sound of a bell dinging welcomed us into the small shop, which smelled like chocolate and various types of sweets. Tom immediately went to a display of fizzing whizbees while I went right for the chocolate bars. It wasn't long before I felt a tap on the shoulder.

"Your hair looks good," said Albus, who presented me with a red lollipop. "Here... on me. They're really good."

"Wow. Thanks, Albus. I love these." I took the lollipop from him, which was a cherry lolly made by Honeydukes and shouldn't be confused with a blood pop, and smiled at him. "Let me get you something in return."

"Nah. I get enough sweets." He smiled weakly. "Thanks, though."

"Oi, Atticus!" Tom exclaimed from the front counter. "They have a new flavor or Jelly Slugs! Come try one!"

"Alright, Tom." I turned back to Albus. "Have you tried them?"

"Yeah. Not as rubbish as I thought they'd be."

"Wicked." I smiled at him. "Thanks again for the lolly."

"No problem." He smiled a bit more.

I clapped him on the shoulder before going over to Tom.

"Oi mate, Albus is acting a bit off," I whispered to him.

"Albus? He's always a bit off," Tom whispered back before pushing a display of blue Jelly Slugs towards me.

"I mean, he bought me this lollipop randomly and said my hair looked nice."

"Maybe he has a crush on you?" Tom shrugged.

"I dunno." I shrugged as well and tried a Jelly Slug. "Mmm. Blueberry."

* * *

We returned to the castle a couple of hours later, and after dumping off our sweets and miscellaneous items, we went out to the tree by the Black Lake to do our homework since it was such a nice day out. On our way to our favorite tree, Tom spotted Rachel talking to Rose.

"Our future girlfriends conversing!" Tom said excitedly. "Come on, man! Let's go!"

Before I could object, he pulled me off our course and over to a stone bench where the girls were talking.

"Hello, ladies," Tom greeted as he smiled.

Rose rolled her eyes while Rachel smiled at us.

"Hi, Tom. Hi, Atticus. I like your hair."

I blushed.

"Hi, Rachel. Thanks."

"Yeah, your hair looks really good," said Rose. "It frames your face better."

I could tell Tom was getting annoyed over my hair being a hot topic of discussion.

"I was thinking about getting the same haircut!" he said suddenly. "What do you think? Would it frame my face good?"

" _Well_ ," Rose corrected. "It would frame your face _well_."

"Oh, thanks! Maybe I'll get it done tomorrow after we try out for Quidditch." He grinned at Rose.

"You're trying out for Quidditch?" Rachel asked.

"Well, it's Tom's idea," I said quietly.

"Which position are you trying out for?" Rachel asked.

"He's trying out for Beater! I'm going to try out as a Chaser."

"Good luck," said Rose, who looked completely uninterested.

"Yeah, good luck! I'll come watch you try out tomorrow. What time?" Rachel inquired.

"Oh, um -" I was cut off by Tom.

"Noon!" He grinned at her, then nudged me.

"See you then," she said before waving cutely at us.

"Yeah... See you," I said nervously before being pulled away by Tom.

"Man, you are so in with Rachel," he said after we got a few meters away from them. "Think my chances are good with Rose?"

"Sure, man. Just take it each day."

He grinned and clapped me on the back.

* * *

The following day, we arrived at the Quidditch pitch to make fools of ourselves at our audition. First they were trying out Chasers, and Tom was third to go. There was a total of fourteen of us trying out.

"Come on, Tom!" Jasper shouted from the stands.

Jasper, Danielle, Albus, Scorpius, Rachel, and a reluctant Rose Weasley were in the stands to cheer us on.

Tom gave Jasper the thumbs up before kicking off on his broom. I watched as they had a mock game with him, and he did a damn good job keeping the Quaffle away from the "opposite" team, and did a great job passing and receiving it. I could see him becoming the new Chaser.

After the eleventh person went, it was time for auditions for Beaters. I was up first, and I felt like vomiting all over the pitch.

"You got this, Atticus!" Jasper shouted.

Right... Just don't make a fool of yourself...

I kicked off on my broom after I was given a bat and watched from above as the Bludgers were unleashed. I panicked and took a swing at one, only to miss and have it turn around and hit the tail of my broom, causing me to spin. I quickly flew away from the Bludger and kept lookout for the other one, which I didn't know was looming behind me until it was too late.

Everything went dark almost immediately, and I didn't wake up until six hours later in the Hospital Wing. Tom, Jasper, Danielle, Scorpius, and Albus were all surrounding my bed. I groaned as soon as I woke up and realized what happened.

"She's never gonna like me," I said quietly.

"Oh rubbish," said Tom. "She will. She was worried about you when you fell off your broom."

"We all were," said Albus.

"Alright, children, back to your common rooms," Madam Pomfrey said as she walked in. "Visiting hours are over. I need to keep him overnight because of head trauma. Scat!"

Jasper rolled his eyes and gave me a pat on the shoulder, then left, followed by Danielle and Scorpius. Albus bid me good night and hurried after his best friend. Tom stuck around, like I figured he would.

"See you in the morning, mate. You'll be fine. Just remember: this doesn't mean you can't try again next year."

"Wait... how did you do?" I asked as I tried to sit up.

"Erm... I made the team." He blushed.

"Wha- ? Congratulations!" I said, and tried to sit up again to shake his hand, but failed.

"Whoa! Relax, chum. It's not a big deal. Maybe I'll tell them to give the position to someone else. We were supposed to be in this together."

"No, mate! You earned it. You were great out there. I'll just be in the stands, cheering you on."

"You sure, mate? I hate doing this without you." He looked a little awkward.

"I'm positive. Go out there and kick arse. I'll be cheering you on." I smiled at him to reassure him.

"If you say so! Say - the captain told me to tell you that you should have waited to try out for Seeker. She said you were everything they would be looking for in a Seeker because you're... y'know... kinda small and stuff."

"Right," I said quietly. "Small..."

"It's not a bad thing, mate. Some guys are supposed to be smaller. We all have our place in the world!"

"Mine is just being small," I said quietly.

"Erm..."

He was cut off by Madam Pomfrey returning.

"For heaven's sakes, Mr. Adams, you must go. Mr. Parker needs his rest! Now shoo!"

"Right. See you tomorrow, At. G'night!" He hurried away from me, seeming to be awkward and flustered from Madam Pomfrey's shoos.

"Thanks, Madam Pomfrey," I said quietly after the Wing was empty.

"It's alright, Atticus. I will have your medicine here for you tomorrow morning, along with your uniform. Get some rest. You'll be better in the morning."

She handed me a cup of chamomile tea that was infused with an unknown potion that left a funny after taste. I thanked her before she left, then settled into the semi-comfortable bed and let out a deep sigh of depression. My thoughts raced as I tried to drift into an uncomfortable sleep.

Small. A complete failure at Quidditch. An embarrassment. Transgender... I hated myself.


End file.
